spread with P.E.T
Active Listening is a skill that the you can apply to reflect back what the child has expressed to let him know you are listening. It allows you to check back you understanding of their meaning (facts and feelings).
“Shifting Gears” is a skill that allows the parent to Active Listen to the child after they have sent an I-Message. The likelihood that the child will hear the parent and change their behavior is much greater if they Active Listen to the child’s problem. This in turn lowers the child’s “emotional temperature” and helps the child to problem solve.
In P.E.T., an I-Message is a form of an assertive communication of the parent. I-Messages are about the feelings, beliefs and values of the parent expressed as a sentence beginning with the word “I”, and is contrasted with a “you-message”, which often begins with the word “you” and focuses on the child.
Roadblocks obstruct the flow of communication between the parent and child. These are the traditional and almost automatic responses of parents to children when they are faced with problem situations. Roadblocks communicate a desire to change the child and unacceptance of the way the child is at the moment. Roadblocks often cause the child to stop talking and feel resentment.
The Behavior Window is the framework which informs the parent what communication skills should be used — Active Listening or I-Messages or No-Lose Conflict Resolution, among others. The concept of “problem ownership” and its relationship to acceptance and non-acceptance of a child’s behavior is the central integrating component of the P.E.T. course.
“Let’s work together for a solution that meets your needs and meets my needs. Both of us will win, no one will be a resentful loser.” — No Lose conflict resolution method is also called Method III in P.E.T. It is based on a very different set of assumptions than the power-based methods of solving conflicts between parent and child such as the authoritative method (parent wins or Method I) and permissive method (child wins or Method II).
“I commend Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T) for empowering parents to improve their relationships with their children, so that they can be the loving parents they always wanted to be, so their children can flourish, and their warm connection to each other can endure through life.”